Paul The Programmer

This is what I have on the back of my business card, if it helps just one person keep their PC running then its done its job....My clients, friends and business associates can give my card to their contact, tell them to either follow my advice or refer me, so that I can do it for them - either way my card gets used.

Speed up and protect your PC

1. Free up disk space

The Disk Cleanup tool helps you free up space on your hard disk by helping you remove temporary and unwanted software and emptying your recycle bin.

2. Speed up access to data

Disk Defragmenter is a Windows utility that improves windows data access response time. Run Disk Defragmenter at regular intervals—monthly is optimal.

3. Detect and repair disk errors

Error Checking utility checks the integrity of the files stored on your hard disk. If you use your computer daily, you should run this utility once a week to help prevent data loss.

4. Protect your computer against spyware and viruses

Run anti-Spyware and anti-Virus software on your PCs to protect your confidential information. Windows Defender is included in Windows Vista, and is available as a free download for Microsoft XP. Also AVG (free anti-Virus software free.avg.com) and Ad-Aware (www.lavasoft.com)

"The highest compliment my clients can give me is the referral of their friends, family, and business associates!" – Thank you for your trust.

What does the back of your business card say about you?

Because I'm a programmer and I'm called Paul, I thought I'd name my website PaulTheProgrammer... simple, or so I thought.

One of my so-called friends asked me today....

Are you planning on releasing a children's TV series for the digital age?and went onto explain

In the 80's we had Govt Services: Post Man Pat, Fireman Sam....

In the 90's we had TV DIY - Bob the builder
and finally, in the 00's - the Internet age - 'Paul the Programmer' 

then he topped it off with a little ditty

'He's always on the scene... he laptops nice an clean...' Or even better 'Programmer Paul, Programmer Paul, Programmer Paul and his black and white optical mouse..'

Unwittingly, he gave me a new strap line, excellent story to keep me remembered when networking and a decent chuckle.

If only everything in life was so useful.

In the good old days before the typewriter or the printing press there were many, many superb put downs that appear to have fallen out of favour and now are merely historical artifacts.

Well I say Bring Them Back! So here, presented for you are 5 common life experiences that warrant an insult and 5 new insults you can have, for FREE!

1. Someone just ate your last cookie ...

            Call them a goatish fat-kidneyed moldwarp

2. Your partner throws away your favourite sneakers

            Aren't they an unmuzzled onion-eyed varlet ?

3. Someone cuts you up in traffic

            Don't get road rage, just think of them as a lumpish beef-witted bum-bailey

4. Your bank account is in the red and you can't withdraw cash

            They're all surly pox-marked measles at that bank

and finally

5. You catch your spouse cheating

            Just leave them reeling by calling them a yeasty beetle-headed codpiece

Hope you liked them, for more alternative insults, visit the Shakesperean Insults page

Here's a fun site, full of Excel and VBA humour - see it is possible. Cartoons, jokes, one liners and loads of VBA code jokes.

Dim Mouthful as Byte .....