Paul The Programmer

In the good old days before the typewriter or the printing press there were many, many superb put downs that appear to have fallen out of favour and now are merely historical artifacts.

Well I say Bring Them Back! So here, presented for you are 5 common life experiences that warrant an insult and 5 new insults you can have, for FREE!

1. Someone just ate your last cookie ...

            Call them a goatish fat-kidneyed moldwarp

2. Your partner throws away your favourite sneakers

            Aren't they an unmuzzled onion-eyed varlet ?

3. Someone cuts you up in traffic

            Don't get road rage, just think of them as a lumpish beef-witted bum-bailey

4. Your bank account is in the red and you can't withdraw cash

            They're all surly pox-marked measles at that bank

and finally

5. You catch your spouse cheating

            Just leave them reeling by calling them a yeasty beetle-headed codpiece

Hope you liked them, for more alternative insults, visit the Shakesperean Insults page